TITLE : Holding On To Letting You Go...
AUTHOR : Nana
CHARACTER : OC, Sungmin (super junior), Siwon (super junior)
GENRE : love, angst, death
(this is base on truth stories)
The wind blowing gently like it’s whisper something…The sunlight keep shine tell that it’s another day to move on again… I love the feelings when the wind blows toward me. Every time the breeze gently kisses my cheek I could feel you beside me, like you whispering at me that you love me.
It’s already been a few month Sungmin… Lee Sungmin.. A few month since you are gone. A few month since you walked away from me, like leaves decided to leave the tree forever. You left me to walk my days alone in this world. It was raining heavily that day. I was resting because I’m sick until my chatbox make some noise, waking me up. I looked up the screen, displaying Siwon picture. Ahh… it’s oppa…I though maybe like always we gonna chat with some random stuff again. But…
“My…my hyung…my hyung passed away..he.. he suicide...”, that still remain in my memories.. Speechless, shocked and trembling.. I can’t even do anything bout it just a tears that keep rolling down.. I’m too far from them.. The regret and guilty feelings start to appear.. Why..why I can’t be beside him when he need someone! Before the day he commit a suicide we still talking and why..why I didn’t notice the way he talk that a bit different?! Just why! I never forgive myself…never! At that time I hope it’s only a joke. But, no. It was not a joke…
That day…that night you go, Siwon oppa that most hurt..I know it from the way he talk… He really close to you…You guys are like a siblings… I am hurting but Siwon oppa hurting more than I am.. I keep screaming in my heart that night..Just why?! Why you leave us like this! You didn’t even wait for me..But it’s too late..he already left.. I keep believed in miracle. I believed miracle would happen to you. But sometimes, miracle does not happen to everyone. Sometimes miracle is too busy to be there. Miracle fails to shine on you… Yeah and now I didn’t believe in miracle anymore…
At there…at the hospital without me there because I’m too far to be there… A moment later, a doctor came out. “I’m sorry. We had done everything we could but God loves him more. I’m sorry”, he said. Siwon oppa started to cried.. No last word. No last smile. You were gone. Just like that, without saying anything…
“ This is must be joking. He can’t be dead. He promised me that He’ll always be here beside me..” Siwon oppa mumbling while kneeled down, with tears rolling down his face, surprised by the fact that you, his hyung had gone, forever… At the place I stay… It was still raining outside, as if the skies too mourned for your loss…
I sat on the bed. Keep crying nonstop and said this is must be a nightmare.. Please! Please! I want to wake up! I can’t take it anymore with this nightmare! It was sad to lose you. If only I knew, I would be telling you how much I loved you. If only I knew, I would told you what I really wanna do with you. if only I knew, I would throw away my stubbornness. But, nothing. I could do nothing now. When you were gone, I was gone too. Yes I’m alive here but my heart are died..It follow you go up there…
After a moment I look at my computer screen. Ah another notification..I wiped my tears and looked up. it written "The Last Letter From My Hyung" I gasp when I look at the tittle...I read all of it slowly and tried to not cried but when I read at... "This is for my Heeyeon Jjagi :) Jagiya~ how are you? I hope you will always fine, ne? :3 Jagiya~ mianhae, you must really hates me after this, ne? That's ok.. I understand~ ^^ ♥” My tears start to rolling down again…I keep crying…It’s pain…totally pain for me.. Why just why must you do this…I know you have a reason but why must use this way…. No one know.. My heart really broken into pieces and it can’t be attached together again… I read again with teary eyes and stop my sight at “PS : Jagiya! Don't eat ramen too often, ne! Not good for your healthy!” I laugh while still crying. Ah haha how come he still thinking bout that stuff and write it? Yeah I like to eating ramyeon but you always nagging me to stop eating it often.. After this who gonna nagging at me? Who gonna always said stop doing that and that? I will miss it all… I willing to listening you always keep nagging at me rather than after this you not beside me anymore…
After what happen that painful day for everyone, everything went back to its usual place, but it was not complete without you. Me… I no longer myself. I no longer the Heeyeon that I used to be. I was a different person. A real different person.
Everytime I miss you so much I will close my eyes and will think bout the memories we had together.. You such an innocent guy.. You slowly understand girls heart which is me. Deep in my heart, my love is just for you. You such a lovely person and cute the way you act. You kept blushed whenever I teasing you. You such a helpful person. You always here for me, rooting for me when I’m down...When I Deact my account, you also deact your account because your world wouldn’t be completed without me from what you said. You always mad at me because I keep eating ramyeon because you said it’s not good. When we go watching for the star, you point at the brightest star and say “The brightest star is you because you’re always make me smile”. We hugging each other when we was cold. I remember the day rain falling heavenly..I said to you I am so cold while shivers. You hug me without I even saying I need a hug..I feel so warm in your embrace..Then you put your jacket too at me because you worried I’m still cold. Gomawo jjagi..I never forget it.. We washing the dishes together while playing water. You even proposed me at the Han River. At my dream place. Ah yes bout our pinky promises...don't worried I promises you jjagi! Ahh…How I wish those time together with you can be replay again… you're in memories and always be in my heart Lee Sungmin.
The love that belongs to us.
If it’s fated to come, just let it comes.
I will love you all my life and when I die I will still love you through eternity and beyond.
If we meet again one day there, let’s not leave each other again.
I love the feeling when the wind blows.
Every time the breeze gently kisses my cheek I could feel you beside me, whispering that you love me.
I would be coming here, to the place that always have a wind that blows without know the meaning of tired to just to hear you whispered you loved me. You always hold the special place in my heart and in my life.I would love you till the day I ran out of stars and raindrops to be counted. I would miss you till the day the wind stops blowing. The day when the ocean turns into stones, is the day when I have erased you from my life. Just wait for me Lee Sungmin...
My love my kiss my heart
One love one kiss to my heart
Last love last Kiss last dream
